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It’s time to begin

I

The journey of grief is individual. When my Dad was killed I felt like I stepped into a thick forest. It was foggy and dark and all I did was run into trees. I knew to keep moving forward, and that was about all. Hit a tree, move around it, hit another one. Then you start to anticipate as there sometimes seems to be a pattern, or maybe not. You learn to step forward and reach with your hand so...

Cardinal

C

As I got off my bike on Sunday, I felt happy. Not because I just finished up a solid 3 hour ride. But because I loved every second of that 3 hours. There have been seasons I have forced it, seasons I have cut it short, seasons I broke it up, but these days that love has returned. I spent the better part of my 40’s battling myself in this sport. Cortisol that was so high my doctor was...

Possibility

P

I’m not a New Year’s Resolution kind of person. I am not even a “year in review” one. I relentlessly look forward. There is this saying that … the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror. That’s me. It’s not that I don’t take stock in past experiences, or review and learn from them, I do that all the time. I just don’t do it per...

Take your mark

T

I remember being 8 years old, standing behind the block for a summer swim meet. We grew up swimming at Hickory Hill and the swim meets were a big deal. They became the highlight of summer. I remember the pit in my stomach as I waited for the heat to be called and the step up onto the block. I hated that feeling. “Take your mark” would make me shake. One day I told my Dad about that...

mud

m

“Have you been through any trauma recently?” the doctor asked me. My heart sank. The last 2 years brother, I thought to myself. I just nodded. “When we can’t find a physical cause, we chalk it up to being just something that happens and we don’t know why. But we can’t discount that there can be an emotional component to inflammation. It’s just not widely...

Feet on the ground

F

I love that moment when I step onto the beach, moments before the starting horn sounds. That final few moments before you take your mark. I sink my feet deep into the sand and I just feel it. It’s something that a spreadsheet, power meter, heart rate monitor can’t give me. It’s something that has to bubble up from within. I erroneously credit that to having grown up a swimmer...

Lake george aquabike race report

L

You can subscribe to my substack (free) for email delivery! Click here. It’s been a great season. I have loved every race, every finish, and every lesson it’s brought me. I have considered this season a rebuilding season in hopes of a higher performance one next year. I get to be 50, and I truly can’t wait. In July I found out that I got into Survival of The Shawangunks (SOS)...

Light

L

There comes a day, somewhere in this journey of grief, where the light starts to shine again. While the light is always shining right where you are, at some point it starts to widen to a few inches, then half a foot, then a foot. There comes this point where it illuminates a path in front of you, and instead of constantly looking back to what was, and what happened, what you’ve been...

Chattanooga 70.3

C

Throughout my childhood I swam on a summer swim league, for Hickory Hill. When I was 10 I started to excel, and that summer I was rocking the 50 free. As our big meet with the Orchard Park Country Club approached, my coach prepped me. I was going to be swimming against Margaret, she was one of the best 10 year old swimmers, if not THE best one in the entire summer league!!!! He said he thought I...

Texas 70.3

T

There is a moment when you walk down the pier to the swim start. The sun hasn’t quite risen but it’s daylight. The West Bay is calm, it’s salt water feeding from the Gulf, just resting. The light can give it this glow, and every time I see that glow, I feel like I am home. I have been coming down to this race on and off since 2009, I don’t know what it is about Galveston...